Good-bye Peanut Butter - it's been fun!

I will admit that I would sometimes get annoyed with the "peanut-free" world we are at times forced to live in.  Sure in theory I completely understand why our schools, daycares, and camps need to be peanut-free however in practice there were days when life would have been so much easier if I could have just packed a PB&J sandwich for Cooper's lunch.

This all changed on October 20th when things "got real" in our house.  I had held off on giving peanut butter to the kids until they were 2 years old based on a combination of things I had read and advice from friends.  With Cooper I was a little more vigilant because he was the first child - with Miss Leah, I was still waiting until she was two but at the same time was not overly worried when she picked up a Honey Nut Cheerio off of the floor.  I had myself fooled that we had dodged this bullet.

So long peanut-butter toast!  Breakfast is looking a lot different these days!

So she'd been exposed to some things that contained nuts or that "may contain nuts" but I had never officially given her Peanut Butter. And let me tell you - we are a PB-loving family so for the most part I was just excited for her to finally be able to join the club.  Excitement quickly changed to concern when within 5 minutes of her having the PB she had broken out in hives around her mouth, and was rubbing her eyes like they were itchy.  There was no denying that she was having a reaction.  Luckily for us she was never in respiratory distress and within 30 minutes the hives were gone.

So for now we are awaiting testing but are living as if she has a peanut allergy.  I've started doing the research, have purged our cupboards and have started reading labels like a maniac.  As a precaution we carry an Epi-Pen (and pray that we'll never have to use it!)

Our fingers are crossed for this to all have been a fluke reaction - however we are prepared for the worst as we hope for the best. Regardless of how things turn out I now "get it" completely and am so grateful that I can send her to school or to daycare or camp and not have to hold my breath in fear - these places are safe and it's important that they be safe for all children.

The Summer of Lindsay

Summer is always a magical time around our house.  With Peter and Cooper having the summer off there are endless adventures and travels that we try to cram into the joyous 2 months.  This summer we experienced an added twist when our niece Lindsay decided to move into our chaotic household.  Lindsay is 21 years old and studying at the University of Waterloo.  In the planning phase before she had moved in I had questioned why she would choose to live in our loud, sticky, messy and sometimes stressful household and she assured me that she knew exactly what she was in for.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was looking forward to having an extra set of adult hands around the house but I couldn't have imagined how much we would enjoy each and every day with our beautiful niece.  She truly dove in, rolled up her sleeves and became part of the rhythm of our family.  We tried not to abuse her presence by asking her to help us too much but there were definitely days and weeks where having her around made things go so much more smoothly.

Even more importantly than the help was the love that she brought to our house - there's nothing more special than sharing space with someone who loves your kids as much as you do - Lindsay is like that.  She formed special bonds with both Coop and Leah this summer and really got to know their individual personalities.  Even better my kids have a role model for life who is smart, confident, kind and always above all else true to herself.  What a blessing.

Our big and happy family!

If I was worried about having a young adult live under our roof my fears are no more.  The lessons we learned and the opportunities that my kids have had to spend time with their special cousin are invaluable.  I feel grateful and blessed that Lindsay gave of her time to live under our roof - she is so special to us and will always be a part of some great memories.  Now we just need to figure out how to get her sister Kelsey to move in with us as well!

Gratitude - lessons learned from a 5 year old

This morning Cooper came downstairs and announced that today was "Thank-you day" and as I braced myself for his obvious gratitude toward his parents he proceeded to thank his stuffed animals for being such awesome toys. Ouch! But once I got over this minor sting I got to thinking: A) how adorable and B) perhaps Cooper is already missing the structure of school (theme-days are BIG on the Kindergarten circuit!)

Through-out the day I've gone back to my little moment with Cooper and upon further reflection I think it's a wonderful reminder to be grateful for the things that we have in our life - big and small.  Cooper was grateful for the toys that he has - I am grateful for the amazing kids and husband that I have.  2 healthy kids that are funny and sweet - it's like winning the lottery twice!

All this gratefulness makes me think about one of my favourite blogs - 1000 Awesome Things - where the author basically blogs about the mundane and everyday things that can be really awesome - "free refills at a restaurant" or "finding money in your old coat pocket".

I'm very grateful for Sunday morning snuggles with these 2 cuties!

Lately I've been feeling more like I'm losing at the battle for work/life balance.  Like a lot of working mom's - or mom's in general - I'm spread so thin that I end up feeling like I'm not doing anything really well.  Cooper's announcement this morning was a gift - it reminded me to be grateful for the life I have and showed me that I must be doing something right - he could have made today "naked dancing day" or "junk food day" or even "TV marathon day" but he didn't and for that I'm grateful.

Time-out for Mommy

I'm a big supporter of the "time-out" approach to discipline.  When things are going off the rails - food is being thrown around, someone has bit the dog, or written on the wall in permanent marker - I think we all stand to benefit from a little breathing space.  Sends a message to the kids and gives Mommy a moment to calm down as well.

The other day I put my 18 month old in time-out.  Is she too young? Perhaps.  Did she know she wasn't supposed to throw her (full) dinner plate on the floor? Most definitely.  So off she went to the time-out chair.  She kicked, she screamed, she squirmed all the way to the ground so that only her little pig-tails were resting on the seat of the chair.  It was such a ruckus that Cooper and Peter both exited to the front porch to eat their dinner.  I didn't care, I had a message to send - and I believe she got it.

To be honest I don't know what the big deal is anyway.  I would love it if from time to time I was forced to sit in a chair and nobody was allowed to talk to me.  Sounds amazing.  And since time-outs correspond to your age I guess that means that my next time-out will clock in at 39 minutes.  Divine.  Maybe tomorrow night I'll throw my plate on the floor and bite the dog and see where that lands me.

I wonder what it would take to get sent to my room!

All the things I've learned from my Junior Kindergartener

Today is Cooper's last day of Junior Kindergarten - I can hardly believe it!  Time has flown by so quickly and in the 10 short months since he's started I have seen him grow and develop in so many ways.  He's now reading and printing proficiently and his drawings actually look like something more than a scribble and a blob.  Most impressive is the social aspects that I've noticed developing - he's really embraced the lessons he's learning about conflict resolution and how to maintain relationships when you're in a heated fight with your friend about how they play soccer or who ate the last granola bar.

I don't want to forget to tell Cooper about how every day of Junior Kindergarten he got up, made his own bed, brushed his teeth and got dressed before coming downstairs for breakfast - he did this without complaint (most of the time) and usually while belting out songs at the top of his lungs.  Adorable!

Cooper has also started to show interest in girls - first he was all about a girl named Summer - what she wore to school that day, what she said to him etc.  Lately he's been talking a lot about a girl named Sammie.  He even made her a love note the other day - "I love you Sammie" - gulp!  Cooper actually told me that he was going to marry Sammie someday and when I asked him why he likes her he said "I just got caught up in her sweetness." - I for one am all caught up in his sweetness.

Cooper's thoughts have also evolved to have a lot more depth.  He's one sensitive kid and has had a lot of hard questions for Peter and I.  The most difficult have been around death as he starts to put together that someday we will die - heavy for a 5 year old.  He asked Peter the other day if we could send postcards to heaven...looking for ways to keep in touch after we die. 

Cooper also came to the realization this year that he really loves his friends - and maybe more than he loves us.  This was more jarring for him than for us.  One day he broke down in the car with Peter and when asked what was wrong he said "I think I like Elliott more than you" - no one was more crushed than Cooper. 

As I reflect on all he's learned this year and all the things that we've learned in the process I go back to the poem by Robert Fulgum - All I really need to know I learned in Kindergarten - and I can't help but agree!

All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned: 

Cooper - first day of JK 2011

• Share everything.
• Play fair.
• Don't hit people.
• Put things back where you found them.
• Clean up your own mess.
• Don't take things that aren't yours.
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Flush.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
• Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Quality vs quantity

Sometimes I really struggle with the amount of time I spend away from my kids each day. I can make myself sick with guilt just thinking about how I only see my kids for a couple of hours a day during the week.  Otherwise I'm essentially counting on other people to raise my kids.  That's huge!

It's not as bad with Cooper - he's at school full days and he's required by law to be there so I really can't beat myself up too much over that.  He also can stay up a little later so I feel like I get a bit of a visit with him in the evenings.  Leah on the other hand is ready for bed at 6:30 - 7pm if we push it...don't get me wrong I'm not complaining...it just really shortens my time with her.

So how do I cope with the guilt?  I do a couple of things.  I try to make every day worth while in my career. I know that sounds weird but I figure if I'm going to spend 8+ hours away from my 2 favourite people...it better darn-well be worth it! So when I show up each day I look for opportunities to make an impact and move myself forward in my professional development.  

I also try to focus on quality time with my kids.  I make bath time an event with Leah - lots of songs and games and then stories before bedtime.  I try to sit down and play with my kids - even if I'm exhausted - even if it's only for 20 minutes and even if the game they want to play is "super heroes" for the 100th time.  Just plug in and make a conscious effort to learn about their day, catch up on our hugs and reconnect.

The one piece that is missing is me.  I don't consider myself as important in the equation right now - and tuning into my kids is what keeps me elevated.  My kids make me a better person.  If I go to the gym I have started to go after their bedtime.  7:30pm isn't ideal for me, but it's guilt-free time which is worth the sacrifice.

Mother's Day 2012 with my kiddies!

What did I ever do with my time before kids? Seriously?

Death - a five year old's perspective

About a year ago, before Cooper's 4th birthday, he started to ask us about death.  First is started with our dog Winnie - "will Winnie die some day?" Although there were many parts of me that wanted to shield Cooper from the harsh reality (not to mention myself  - I dread the day we lose our friend Winnie!) I knew we needed to handle this head-on with honesty and sensitivity.  So we told him "yes - someday Winnie would die" and went on to encourage him to always try to build good memories with Winnie so that they would be with us after she was gone.  After careful consideration of this Cooper's next questions was "can we get a cat when Winnie dies?" Hmmmmm!

Even though Cooper's perspective about losing Winnie didn't have a lot of depth I knew that it was only a matter of time before our sensitive little guy could understand the full picture.  I also knew that Winnie was getting older and our need to deal with this situation was imminent. After discussing with a close girlfriend who also happens to teach Kindergarten we decided to get Cooper a fish for his 4th birthday.  Afterall - how long would a fish live?  This would be a great opportunity for us to teach Cooper about death and dying without his first experience being too devastating.  And so on March 8th 2011 we welcomed home our newest pet - "Little Red Iron Man"

I have to say that after months and months of cleaning his tank, forgetting to feed him for days and sometimes more than a week, and then our big move in November - I was surprised when Cooper's 5th birthday was approaching and "Little Red" was still hanging on. How long could this fish live? Then in early June I started to notice that Little Red was looking different.  His tummy was swelling and he just sort of hung out by his fake fishy plant.  Some crazy "Beta Fish Enthusiast" website told me that either he was suffering from depression (weird), tuberculosis (not likely), or kidney failure.  Whatever the case - things weren't looking good and one night I came home to find him dead.

I decided that I would wait a full day until Cooper came home from school to tell him.  I didn't want to rush things in the morning and have him get upset during the school-day.  When we got home from school I gave it to him straight - "Honey, Little Red has died."  Immediately Cooper started going through the stages of grief - first he denied it - "no he's not" and at one point he even blamed me for not feeding him enough (anger).  There were a lot of tears and through it all I assured him that what he was feeling was normal.  Together we put him in the toilet (his final resting place) so that his body could go to Heaven.  Cooper couldn't say anything because he was crying so hard so I did the Eulogy.  I talked about how Little Red was the best fish and that we would miss him a lot.  Cooper took care of the final flush.

That night Cooper said his prayers as usual and then he added "God - please help Little Red find his way to Heaven so that he won't be sick anymore" - sigh!

Little Red's first night with us - Coop's 4th birthday

Cooper still has moments where he gets upset and says he misses Little Red.  There's talk now of wanting a new fish as well.  Overall the experience went well.  I'm grateful for Little Red and the lessons he taught us - he really was a great little fish!

To Leah with love

I'm no fool.  I know what question is coming in about 15 years - "Mom, why does Cooper have a baby book and I don't?"  or "Mom, why are there more baby pictures of me than of Cooper?"  And although there are still thousands of photos of Leah, and I'm working at compiling a "reflective" baby book for Leah (just made that up now!) the truth is that she's right and my only reason is that I don't have enough friggin' time in the day!

So this is my little note to Leah to let her know how much I love her - my precious little girl!

Dear Leah,

I love you so much.  You bring joy to every day.  Already at the young age of 17 months old you have such a funny and unique personality emerging.  You're assertive, smart, and already you believe you can do anything (at least anything that your big brother can do!) You have a sense of humour which will be important in our family.  You love to run and be free.  You love the 5 B's - bath, bottle, books, bed and most of all your best friend "Bunny".  You love music.  You LOVE your big brother.  Life with you is so much better - you are our little "Pickle".

Here's some other things I want to always remember about you and your first year:

The first time we saw you!

• May 20th 2010 - the day of our 5 month ultra-sound.  The day we found out that you didn't have a penis and the balance of boys and girls in the house was finally going to be restored!  I immediately began to plan our future shopping adventures!
• Dec 2nd 2010 - the day you were born - you came quickly and "easily" into the world.  We couldn't wait to introduce you to your big brother Cooper - you actually opened your eyes when you heard his voice for the first time - it was love at first sight and you love him more and more each day
• When you were only 2 weeks old you began to really smile at us - you always had a smile in your eyes which was precious
• When you were 3 months old you started to make the "hhhhhhhhhh" sound as if to say "hi" - you'd greet me every morning in your crib with a "hhh-hhh-hhh" - you struggled so hard to say the actual word that I thought you'd throw-up some days.  Hi is still your favourite word today - "Hi Daddy", "Hi Nan", "Hi Mom..."
• Mat Leave - you were generally a pretty easy baby and I have to say that I had a lot of fun hanging out with you during my Mat Leave.  You were my work-out buddy, my shopping buddy, and my doing errands buddy.  
• Summer 2011 - We began to refer to this as "The Summer of Awesome" because Daddy and Cooper were home for the summer and the 4 of us went on a tonne of adventures from cottage visits to trips to Toronto to even a trip up to the Ottawa Valley - you were a trooper through it all - even at the end of July when you started cutting your first teeth.
• How you shake your head to the music - sometimes from side to side and sometimes you nod your head - you especially like Rock music - besides Row Row Row your Boat!
• In September around 10 months old you started to wave and clap.
• You started walking with assistance (pushing around a toy cart and creeping around the furniture) when you were 11 months old. You took your first step just before your first birthday (Cooper and I both saw you do it!) and you were walking not long after you were 1 (and running not long after that!) 
• Your first word was "Hi" and you have been saying that for a long time - definitely around 6 or 7 months.  In November you started to answer your toy phone by saying "Hiiii".  Mama and Dada were also first words.  You can also say Cooper but it sounds a lot more like "CooCoo" - so now we all call Coop "CooCoo" - You were also a Monkey for Halloween and we taught you what a Monkey says - we'd say "OooOooOoo" and you'd respond "AhAhAh"
• I have always referred to you as fiesty - you know what you want and you always find a way to let us know if you're not pleased with something.  You and Cooper get along both days but you're not afraid to assert yourself with him - if he yells at you, you yell right back at him.

Cooper meeting his baby sister for the first time - pretty cool!

Leah and Mommy - hanging out

Horsing around with your buddy Mom - eating a rice cake!

So this isn't a baby book - not even close - and I promise to work on that too.  What I can tell you is that you are an absolute love and we can't remember our lives without you.  I look forward to watching you grow into the wonderful woman that I know you will be.  I'll always be your biggest cheerleader.  I love you - xo Mom

The Second Child syndrome - it's true what they say!

I can remember a few occasions where my younger sister complained about the lack of photos from her childhood.  She would point out the millions of photos, baby books, and keepsakes that were from my first years of life in comparision to the few momentos from hers.  I used to roll my eyes and dismiss her - pointing out the many, many photos that had been taken of her over the years.

In hindsight what I failed to acknowledge was the number of times that I also "starred" in her baby photos.  I was always part of her "firsts" and quite often the milestones she was hitting were milestones that I had already hit.  Been there...done that...

I know this to be true now that I have 2 kiddies. The differences between Cooper's photo files and Leah's are a little concerning already.

Cooper and Leah - sibling rivalry is in full effect!

As much as we love the 2 equally - there really are less photos, videos, and momentos for just Leah.  Take this blog for instance.  It used to be a blog about Cooper...now it's a blog about the 2 of them.  Sadly it will never be just Leah's blog.  I'm struggling with this because on one hand I know I'm going to be called on it some day - and everything she says will be true - but on the other hand now that we have 2 kids there's not enough time in the day.  I would even argue that I'm taking less and less photos overall.  The moments are slipping through the hourglass and along the way I'm resorting to making mental notes - we all know how well that works!

So the next blog I write will be a message for my darling, precious, beautiful little girl Leah.  I can't guaruntee that I won't mention Cooper in the blog - because he's an important part of her life too - but it will be a love note from me to her...something I will try to do from time to time to make up for the times when I haven't been able to single her out - my poor 2nd child!

The evolution of vacation

Tight quarters!

We just recently took a family vacation to Florida to visit/invade my parents who are escaping the Canadian winter to stay in a condo for a month. Overall it was a wonderful week - with that said I have learned a few things from vacationing with my kids!

1) When you go on vacation with your kids, you get to spend a lot of time with your kids.
2) When you go on vacation with your kids, you have to spend a lot of time with your kids...
3) A toddler is not interested in sitting on your lap for any length of time - this includes the 3-hour flight where they are required to sit on your lap
4) Saving money on flights by going with a "discount airline" is at a cost - no leg-room, no inflight movies, no food and apparently no cleaning staff
5) IPads are saviours!
6) If you call something a diaper bag - the airline won't charge you the "carry-on" fee
7) Strollers pose a high security alert - at least that seemed to be the case based on the amount of time the Airline took to "clear it"
8) You can lose a soother on the plane
9) People are generally sympathetic to a travelling parent with young kiddies - even when your kid is crying/yelling for several minutes or slapping the head of the person in front of them (that really happened)
10) No matter how many challenges - giving your kids the experience of travelling to new places is totally worth it!

I will have so many memories from this trip. It was great to have so much time with Nan and Gramps. I loved how much time Cooper spent in the pool each day - at least 5 hours and we estimate about half that time was spent under water. I loved that we did it and we survived - a good reminder for when we plan the next adventure!

Worst Mom or just really busy?

I would be lying if I said I had any sort of handle on this work/life balance crap. I literally feel like I am flying by the seat of my pants most days. I get out of bed with a renewed sense of calm and within 30 seconds my heart rate is rising as I'm signing permission slips and packing lunches.

Today was a particularily bad parenting moment for me. Cooper has been sick...ALOT - it's apparently the curse of starting Junior Kindergarten. He's had Hand Foot and Mouth Disease, Hives, the flu and a chronic ear infection to name a few. Add his sister and all of her little daycare illnesses to the mix and Peter and I are missing a lot of work. Ahem...I mean our kids have been sick a lot and it's stressful!

So this morning when Cooper came into my bedroom and told me his tummy hurt and he had a fever (he didn't have a fever) I dismissed it as a kid who's gotten used to staying home and is trying to pull one over on me. I felt a little more guilt when right before he got on the bus he said "But mom, my tummy is still hurting" but not enough to stop him from boarding and heading off to school.

I got to my desk and cringed all day long whenever my phone rang but his school never called - that is until 3pm...apparently Cooper wasn't feeling well...."oh dear, we'll be right over to pick him up!" WORST MOM EVER.

It's just hard because with every day I miss of work I have to make it up. We're staring down the barrell of a week of holidays and I need to get some work done so that I can relax on the beach with my hopefully healthy kids.

So yes, I turned the other way this morning against my better judgement and we'll likely pay for this with a day off from school, or maybe 2 or 3.

I'm Back!

How did this happen? It's been well over a year since I've blogged a single word. I think about blogging but since having my second child (who is 14 months old!) I really haven't found the time.

I'm ok with that - I'm back and it feels great. So where to start? How about a kid-update.

So there's Cooper - he's almost 5 and is as awesome as ever. He's constantly amazing us with his depth of character. He's also constantly exhausting us but that's ok too. He's adjusted to life as a big brother in most ways. It wasn't easy for him having been our one and only for almost 4 years. Cooper started JK in September and has really grown from the experience. He's more independent than ever and overall is wowing his teachers (and us) with his awesomeness.

To be born after Cooper would be no easy place to start. Fortunately Miss Leah Charlotte is up for the challenge. I've been calling her fiesty pretty much since the day she was born (December 2nd 2010.) She's adorable for starters and has been saying "Hi" since she was 6 months old. She's determined to do everything especially if she sees her big brother doing it. She's a cuddly little love and pretty funny in her own right. She adores her brother...just wants to be with him and I'm sure just like him!

Life with 2 is WAY...WAY busier than 1. It's definitely more than twice the work at times. Being back to work is making life even more interesting with multiple drop-offs and pick ups...some days I feel more like a taxi service than a mom. The good news is that we're not just surviving but loving life and I wouldn't trade in a second for anything.