Over committed - lessons learned from the bleachers

Back before I had kids I was such a good parent! Back then I used to be so quick to judge "those families with their over-programmed kids." Running from soccer to swimming to piano lessons throwing meals over their shoulders as they navigated their mini-vans into the parking lot of the next arena. I knew that I would never...EVER do that. Not me. No sir.

Fast forward to 2015. I now have 2 awesome kids of my own and although I don't drive a mini-van I can tell you that I broke my solemn promise and while we're being completely honest I can tell you that right now in this moment (just got home from our 2nd rink of the day) - we have over-programmed

our kids...and in the process our whole family.

So how did this happen? What I've learned about myself is that it all comes from a good place. In the case of my son Cooper who's 7, I think we have him in a lot of things because we're still in search of the one thing that he really loves. Sports are just not his passion and to be honest he's the kind of kid that would rather stay home and play on the IPad than do any activity. That aside - once we drag him places he does always seem to have fun and in the process he's picked up a skill or 2.

With Leah, our 4 year old - it is slightly different. She is the kid that wants to try things - she wants to learn to skate, do gymnastics and swim. She does them all with a smile on her face and rarely a complaint. It's been a whole new experience.

So it started with swimming which I view more as a life skill than an activity - but it still involved scheduling, packing and unpacking the car and occasionally throwing dinner over my shoulder as we pull out of the driveway.

Then we added skating/hockey which my husband would argue is also a life skill - especially for Canadians! Then Cooper told us he wanted to try basketball...and then his friend was learning to snowboard and well you get the idea.

Now add Leah and her desire to do things like gymnastics and skating and we basically have landed in the place that I judged so harshly in my single years. And as I said - it's coming from the right place and it's not like we are depriving our kids right? Upon reflection I think we kind of are. We're depriving them of down time, of unstructured good old-fashioned play time. And while I'm at it I'd even say we're depriving them of quality Mom and Dad time. Sure we're with them a lot in the "shuttle" but the fact of the matter is that Peter and I usually divide and conquer which means we aren't always together as one big happy family - add to that the stress that we're feeling and well...here we are.

So what now? Well I can tell you I've learned a big lesson about programming. I've learned that every family is different when it comes to how much is too much. Some thrive in a busy environment and that's ok too. For me I'm going to set some limits and stick to them no matter how much our kids may want to learn violin or try sailing. Timing is everything. And although I don't know exactly what the limits will be for our kids the good news is that I'll have a lot of time to ponder it over the next couple of months as we ride out our current commitments. Time in the car, time in the bleachers, time in the viewing galleries....you get the idea!

Toddler Fears and other fun milestones!

Right around the time that Leah turned 2 we started to notice odd behaviours - specifically she started to develop some real and quite irrational fears of things.  It started with the first snowfall of the season.  Leah had been too young the previous winter to even remember the snow so we were all excited for her to experience it for the "first time." We bundled her up and headed outside expecting her to delight in the winter wonderland that had appeared overnight.  Instead she screamed and cried and uttered the mantra that we would hear repeatedly for the days and months to come - "I don't like snow!"

The truth is - I don't like snow either so I really didn't think it was a big deal until I started to notice the sheer panic she would feel at the thought of going outside.  She didn't just dislike the snow - she was terrified of it. Along with her fear of snow she started to be afraid to go to bed.  Admittedly this was the fear that really got our attention.  Leah is one of those kids who has always been a great sleeper.  From a very young age she would go to bed around 6:30pm and we wouldn't hear a peep from her for 12 hours.  When our blissful sleeps started being interrupted we knew we had a problem and so I took to the internet and was amazed to find that there are dozens of articles that talk about "toddler fears" as a real and valid milestone. 

According to Dr. Heather from babyshrink.com "Toddlers often develop these quirky preferences and fears, seemingly all of a sudden. Partly it has to do with their growing awareness that scary things CAN happen."  

We found that the best way to deal with Leah's fears was to first acknowledge them and then reassure her that she was safe.  We worked through Leah's fear of going to sleep by getting her a night light and leaving her bedroom door open a crack.  Those little changes along with a pile of reassurance have helped her work through her fears and now we're back to a normal sleep pattern.  

As for the snow - the kid lives in Canada so we had to tackle this a little more "head-on" by finding things that she would enjoy doing in the snow like shovelling.  So I got out her beach toys and let her have some fun in the white stuff and little by little she has adjusted to the snow.  Does she love the snow - no - but she can now go outside without having a complete meltdown.  The truth is she may never love the snow - there's lots of us who feel that way too!

"I don't like snow!"

The Terrible Twos have come to town!

So my baby girl turned 2 on December 2nd.  We had a wonderful "Dora-themed" party which included a cake in the image of her favourite TV character.  The guests followed suit with many Dora-inspired gifts and overall it was a wonderful day.

As 2 was approaching for our little Leah I have to admit that I was noticing the things that we seemed to breeze past with Cooper - namely the things associated with the Terrible Twos.  Most notable would be the emergence of the temper tantrum.  There was a stretch there in the early Fall when I believe Leah spent more time in melt-down-mode than she did eating or playing.  Just the slightest adjustment or alteration to her schedule could send her off like a rocket.

And she she cries, she really commits.  No matter what we do the kid can cry...and cry...and CRY!  And not the wimpery little stuff...my husband once described the sound as compared to what it would sound like if you were skinning her.  Awful!

Unfortunately this meant that for a short amount of time I have to admit that I didn't really enjoy my time with Leah and I found myself leaving her at daycare until the last possible second so that all I'd have was about an hour before we started bathtime.  I wanted to like her...I kept looking for the littlest things but the truth was she stressed us out.

Leah seems to be building a bit of a Dora collection!

Happy 2nd Birthday!

The terrible twos have arrived!

This is when the rubber really starts to hit the road in parenting.  As much as it would have been easier to let her eat a cookie for dinner or to just plunk her in front of the TV we had to hunker down, be firm and remain consistent.  Every time she screamed because she didn't get her way she was asked to go sit in time-out on the step.  After a while she would go there willingly and we'd all calm down and regroup.  I can already see that the outbursts are lessening and the harmony of our dinner hour is being restored.  That's not to say that things are without flaws - just moving in that direction and sometimes all you need is that little glimmer of hope to keep doing what you're doing.

The Peanut Allergy - A New Chapter

In November we had our little Leah tested for a peanut allergy following a reaction she'd had to peanut butter the month before.  I was very anxious about the test because I didn't really know what to expect (not to mention the fact I was afraid for the outcome) and had been told that it can be quite painful for little ones.  Add to that a not-so-friendly receptionist who required both Peter and I to be present at the test to "hold her down" and by the morning of the test I was quite anxious.

Add to all of this the fact that my little Leah isn't always great with managing change and new experiences - especially of the medical kind and it was a stress-invoking day for me!  

I decided to spend the morning coaching Leah about what would be happening that day.  Since she was not even 2 yet I had to really simplify the situation.  I told her "We are going to see the Doctor today and that he was going to put some medicine on her back and that she'd have a lay on her tummy for a little while until the medicine went away." I repeated the mantra over and over again until she could say it with me.  

And as is often the case - the experience went well.  She didn't need to be held down, the prick of the needles didn't phase her at all and she was perfectly happy to sit still (on my lap and not on her tummy) and watch Dora until the test was complete.  The down side was of course that within 5 minutes of the test her little arm started to react to the peanuts and thus a new chapter has begun in our lives.

It's hard to say how Leah would have reacted had the test been like the receptionist had indicated.  I'm glad that I took the time to prepare her so that she could manage her own anxiety.  As language develops these types of things may become easier although with our little Miss Leah you never can tell!

Good-bye Peanut Butter - it's been fun!

I will admit that I would sometimes get annoyed with the "peanut-free" world we are at times forced to live in.  Sure in theory I completely understand why our schools, daycares, and camps need to be peanut-free however in practice there were days when life would have been so much easier if I could have just packed a PB&J sandwich for Cooper's lunch.

This all changed on October 20th when things "got real" in our house.  I had held off on giving peanut butter to the kids until they were 2 years old based on a combination of things I had read and advice from friends.  With Cooper I was a little more vigilant because he was the first child - with Miss Leah, I was still waiting until she was two but at the same time was not overly worried when she picked up a Honey Nut Cheerio off of the floor.  I had myself fooled that we had dodged this bullet.

So long peanut-butter toast!  Breakfast is looking a lot different these days!

So she'd been exposed to some things that contained nuts or that "may contain nuts" but I had never officially given her Peanut Butter. And let me tell you - we are a PB-loving family so for the most part I was just excited for her to finally be able to join the club.  Excitement quickly changed to concern when within 5 minutes of her having the PB she had broken out in hives around her mouth, and was rubbing her eyes like they were itchy.  There was no denying that she was having a reaction.  Luckily for us she was never in respiratory distress and within 30 minutes the hives were gone.

So for now we are awaiting testing but are living as if she has a peanut allergy.  I've started doing the research, have purged our cupboards and have started reading labels like a maniac.  As a precaution we carry an Epi-Pen (and pray that we'll never have to use it!)

Our fingers are crossed for this to all have been a fluke reaction - however we are prepared for the worst as we hope for the best. Regardless of how things turn out I now "get it" completely and am so grateful that I can send her to school or to daycare or camp and not have to hold my breath in fear - these places are safe and it's important that they be safe for all children.

The Summer of Lindsay

Summer is always a magical time around our house.  With Peter and Cooper having the summer off there are endless adventures and travels that we try to cram into the joyous 2 months.  This summer we experienced an added twist when our niece Lindsay decided to move into our chaotic household.  Lindsay is 21 years old and studying at the University of Waterloo.  In the planning phase before she had moved in I had questioned why she would choose to live in our loud, sticky, messy and sometimes stressful household and she assured me that she knew exactly what she was in for.

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was looking forward to having an extra set of adult hands around the house but I couldn't have imagined how much we would enjoy each and every day with our beautiful niece.  She truly dove in, rolled up her sleeves and became part of the rhythm of our family.  We tried not to abuse her presence by asking her to help us too much but there were definitely days and weeks where having her around made things go so much more smoothly.

Even more importantly than the help was the love that she brought to our house - there's nothing more special than sharing space with someone who loves your kids as much as you do - Lindsay is like that.  She formed special bonds with both Coop and Leah this summer and really got to know their individual personalities.  Even better my kids have a role model for life who is smart, confident, kind and always above all else true to herself.  What a blessing.

Our big and happy family!

If I was worried about having a young adult live under our roof my fears are no more.  The lessons we learned and the opportunities that my kids have had to spend time with their special cousin are invaluable.  I feel grateful and blessed that Lindsay gave of her time to live under our roof - she is so special to us and will always be a part of some great memories.  Now we just need to figure out how to get her sister Kelsey to move in with us as well!

Gratitude - lessons learned from a 5 year old

This morning Cooper came downstairs and announced that today was "Thank-you day" and as I braced myself for his obvious gratitude toward his parents he proceeded to thank his stuffed animals for being such awesome toys. Ouch! But once I got over this minor sting I got to thinking: A) how adorable and B) perhaps Cooper is already missing the structure of school (theme-days are BIG on the Kindergarten circuit!)

Through-out the day I've gone back to my little moment with Cooper and upon further reflection I think it's a wonderful reminder to be grateful for the things that we have in our life - big and small.  Cooper was grateful for the toys that he has - I am grateful for the amazing kids and husband that I have.  2 healthy kids that are funny and sweet - it's like winning the lottery twice!

All this gratefulness makes me think about one of my favourite blogs - 1000 Awesome Things - where the author basically blogs about the mundane and everyday things that can be really awesome - "free refills at a restaurant" or "finding money in your old coat pocket".

I'm very grateful for Sunday morning snuggles with these 2 cuties!

Lately I've been feeling more like I'm losing at the battle for work/life balance.  Like a lot of working mom's - or mom's in general - I'm spread so thin that I end up feeling like I'm not doing anything really well.  Cooper's announcement this morning was a gift - it reminded me to be grateful for the life I have and showed me that I must be doing something right - he could have made today "naked dancing day" or "junk food day" or even "TV marathon day" but he didn't and for that I'm grateful.